Review of the WIFM Conference 2013

The date was Tuesday 12th November, and the location....the London Studios of ITV on London's Southbank.  Over 150 professional women from the BIFM (British Institute of Facilities Management) membership along with a decent scattering of men, gathered for the second annual conference of the BIFM's Special Interest Group "Women in FM" (WIFM).  This year's theme was "Your Journey" and what a journey we had.

After arriving and being welcomed by some lovely members of the WIFM Committee, Debra Ward, Chair of Women in FM, opened the day. She said she hoped the day would stimulate, challenge and inspire us both personally and professionally....we weren't let down!


Natalie Reynolds - Negotiating Your Journey

Debra introduced Natalie Reynolds, founder and director of advantage SPRING and works with a range of global companies to develop internal negotiation capability through coaching and training.

Natalie's presentation was titled 'Negotiating your Journey' and she explained that good negotiation ends with both parties feeling satisfied.    Negotiation will require different approaches for different situations. Natalie likened it to putting a jacket on or taking it off - change in persona or behaviour 'who do I need to be today?'.  It's not about being liked, it will be uncomfortable, the adrenalin will be pumping, heart will be pounding, palms may be sweating.

As with anything that might be uncomfortable planning and preparation is key.  Natalie suggested we map the variables, understand the priorities, plan our move and then plan some more!  Open extreme, don't start by saying what you want exactly, allow others to negotiate - allow them to feel that they got what they wanted too.  How about a trade?  Don't just give things away...if you...then I will.....  

Natalie went on to ask if negotiation was a 'man's game'?  The quick answer is NO!  Men and women can negotiate as well as each other, but just approach it differently.  She said as women we generally don't ask!  How can you get what you want when you don't ask for it?  When we do ask, we don't aim high enough!  We don't like changing character, don't like to say no and often more effective at negotiating for others. 

Natalie ended her presentation by explaining the Gorilla Effect to us - when told it's a man's role (to negotiate) aim to do better - puff out your chest, become the alpha, like the gorilla. And, have confidence (or 'balls') to start negotiating. 

Louise Webster - Your Journey after Kids
Louise shared her story of her journey after having her children and seeing other professional women at the school gates who weren't using the skills they had after having their own children.  Louise explained how she feels passionate about bringing a woman as a whole to the workplace - becoming a parent enhances the type of person we are and the skills and talents we have as parents can be brought into the workplace e.g. wisdom, compassion etc. 

Louise set up Beyond the School Run and presented some of the opportunities this has given her, including meeting with advisors at No 10 Downing Street.  Her website gives all the information of what it is she offers.  Her plan is to inspire, connect and engage.  She advises parents to 'be the change' and encourages them to explore the opportunities around them for flexible working. 


Lynette Allen - Personal Development of Your Journey
Lynette began her presentation by telling her story - it was inspiring. A woman feeling trapped in her situation yet wanting to become someone and not knowing how to do it. Fighting despite the fear and overcoming obstacles to become the successful woman she is today.  

She asked....what are the women who are successful doing that those unsuccessful aren't? And then gave us 6 points....

1. Ask for what you want
Work out what it is you want and then ask for it. People are not mind readers.

2. Blag it!
Blagging with confidence.  You might know the answer or how to do it....say 'leave it with me' and find out.  

3. Being visible
If you are invisible and desperate to be seen, ask, put yourself forward!  Don't wait for someone to come to you and ask you to do something!

4. Trust yourself
Women who don't believe how good they are don't have trust in themselves.  We lose trust in ourselves so easily.  Lynette suggested we use our intuition, look at facial expressions, have belief in ourselves. 

5. Put yourself forward for things
We make the decision that we aren't good enough before we give others opportunity to decide. Don't write yourself off!

6. Having an idea of what you want
What do I want?  How can we aim for something if we don't know what we're aiming at?  

If someone thinks you are good enough.... Don't spend 20mins explaining why you are not!

Lynette's end statement was brilliant....."If at first you succeed try not to look surprised"

We had a delicious lunch and a good natter with like-minded people, a photo shoot in front of the ITV banner (above) and tweeting it to the large screen in the room (I'm sure we were too excited about it!!). 

My BIFM WIFM Conference Buddies
L-R: Me, Tanya Brick, Robert Cunliffe, Jason Gurd

Miss Representation - documentary & debate
"The most common way people give up their power is by believing they have none" Alice Walker

Miss Representation explores how the media’s misrepresentations of women have led to the underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence. And, how despite our achievements the worth of women is coming from how we look.  Young girls seeking an identity are learning from media that sexuality is empowerment.  
We are inspired by what we see - we need to be women of integrity in order to be seen by those who are influenced. 

The debate followed with an amazing panel made up of Anne Lennox Martin, Julie Kortens and David Emanuel.  The lovely Lucy Jeynes kept things running brilliantly and some of the main points are noted below:

• we need to collaborate with men now to go forward
• some are guilty but all are responsible
• we can recognise the issues but now all need to do our bit
• FM is not supporting buildings, it is supporting people working in buildings
• all of it starts with us
• build what you want
• keep being restless in order change - not being restless enough means only slow change
• looking after the ones we love comes first and we learn to live another day

The film can be found here if you'd like to watch it. 

Stella Creasy - The Politics of it All
Stella Creasy is the MP for Walthamstow.  She faced rape, death and bomb threats via social media following a campaign to get a woman on a UK bank note who isn't a monarch.  The reason? To celebrate one woman in society for the contribution they have made.
Stella told us of a Chinese (I think) saying "Woman hold up half the sky".

The growth of woman in senior positions has only been very very slow. There has only been a 4% increase of women in Government in the past 15 years.  Who is telling our story?  Woman are objectified. It has been proved that equal societies are more prosperous.  We (women) know we can do things.....and do them as good as men.  We can follow our dreams, work hard and achieve....anything we want.  

Stella spoke about The Bechdel Test.  It asks whether a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man.  Many contemporary works fail this test of gender bias.

'The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off!' Stella Creasy

It is important to support women to participate every step of the way.  We each have the power to say what we want. We need to build our internal confidence to help fight external battles.  

Stella suggested we have rooms for women in our workplaces. Somewhere for them to organise and collaborate. An opportunity to support and cheerlead each other and also somewhere to call into question those who either consciously or sub consciously prevent women from succeeding. 

Claire Smith - Overcoming Roadblocks at Home and Away


ThClaire encouraged us to enjoy the journey rather than it always being a struggle.  She said help can come from some surprising quarters but we won't know if we don't ask.  We should be supporting each other, women supporting women.  Unrealistic roles models lead to discouragement and are disheartening.  Some success stories are too shiny - they don't tell the full story, leaving out discouragements and compromises.  We need realistic role models who have real and honest conversations.  Making the best of our gifts and talents.

"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" Madeleine Albright
  
In the past women went through situations which made it tough to stay afloat and survive, never mind thrive.  Claire suggested we consider that some older woman may feel resentment towards the younger generation, perhaps they think we have it easier now?  What is their story? What happened to make them into the people they are now? 

Claire shared her story with some great tales and brilliant expressions which had us laughing.  She told us how some people had told her she couldn't do what she wanted to do, they said they were telling her for her own good.  Fortunately Claire didn't let that stop her from doing what she wanted to do and challenged them to tell her why she couldn't do what she wanted to do.  So, knowing that other people are very quick to make assumptions about you she gave some advice on how to get around those roadblocks.

1. Trust your instincts
You will know when you are being patronised.  If it makes you feel uncomfortable you are right.  Don't just talk, do something

2. Be determined
Be bloody minded - dress it up, say in own words but ask 'why not?' Don't be too reasonable

3. Ask for help as necessary....but choose very wisely. Choose your allies carefully.
You can define yourself about what you say about yourself and how you say it...do it on your terms

4. Keep going with skills and qualifications
Never be too busy to go to seminar, conference etc. other people doing same as you. Same struggles, you are not alone. 


So that is an overview!  It was a brilliant day, ending with wine and canapes, and the thanks and congratulations for a superb event must go to the WIFM Committee - they did a great job, it was a professional day and run very well indeed.  Can't wait for 2014!

One of the statistics!

I started this blog as a place to get some of the rambling thoughts in my head out although most of what has been written is to do with my professional life, today’s blog is personal.

I considered for a while whether this was an appropriate blog post but sometimes the difficult subjects to talk about are the ones which we really do need to share.  People say that you should separate your work life and your home life however I’m not sure that I agree.  What happens in your personal life will have an effect on how you are at work and if we’re interested in our people then surely this is part of it – part of what makes them tick, their vulnerabilities and weaknesses as well as those things they have overcome to make them into the people they are today.  This post explains why I've not blogged for a while!  

In December 2012 it was estimated that 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce. (Office for National Statistics www.ons.gov.uk).  I have just become part of the statistics – I’m getting divorced.  It still feels like I’m talking about someone else when I write those words.  I got married 17 years ago to a man I thought I would be with forever!  Yet, four months ago he told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore and had feelings for someone else.  My world shattered, my dreams died, my hope vanished and I was completely stunned and shocked that this was happening to me.  We didn’t have a perfect marriage (who does?) but I honestly never expected this to happen.

So why write about this now?  Well, despite it being four months ago, some days it feels like it has only just happened.  People around me try to say the right thing and I know it is all meant with good intentions but it’s similar to how we can react when we see someone who has lost a loved one – you don’t know what to say for the best but want to provide some words of comfort and encouragement.  Comments such as ‘you’re better off without him’ or ‘you’ll meet someone else’ are so unhelpful – I don’t feel better off without him and I don’t particularly want to meet anyone else right now.  The most popular one, once finding out he is with someone else (who incidentally is half his age) is ‘oh, it will never last!’.  It doesn’t really matter if it lasts or not – he’s still left, he still wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be with me and the rejection and feeling of not being worth fighting for is crushing.  The range of feelings is vast – typical for dealing with loss, grief for the loss of what could have been, for the death of a dream and that doesn’t have any timeframe on it of when I should have ‘got over it’ or ‘moved on’.  I’m going through a major life change – no one to share the day to day stuff with, having half a week with my children and the other half on my own, and the clinical process of legal paperwork - a couple of signatures, a few hundred quid and in a few weeks I’ll be divorced!

I still have the odd wobble and, although they are less, they can happen quite unexpectedly.  The overwhelming feeling of guilt that I could have done more which would have prevented this, the intense loneliness and insomnia.  I miss not having someone there to talk about nonsense with – something odd I saw on the way home from work or that I bought ‘such and such’ from the shop as it was on offer – real nonsense but conversations you perhaps don’t realise you have or take for granted that suddenly there’s no one there to tell.  My sister told me I could phone her to ask her what I should have for tea but I have resisted so far!!!

I have some amazing friends and my family have been so very supportive yet, when they are all married (and I don’t have any close friends who have been through divorce with children – and I think it does make a difference) it’s very hard to feel you can ‘bother’ them.  They often tell me that I’m doing ‘really well’ – I don’t know!  I don’t really know how I should be and most times I don’t feel like I’m doing very well.  I had to take my daughter’s Brownies uniform out of the washing basket and spray it with Febreze last week because I hadn’t got around to washing it – I told a colleague thinking we’d have a bit of a giggle and a ‘nevermind, we all do that sometimes’ but she promptly told me that it wasn’t good and gave suggestions on how to run my household – that really piled on the guilt!!  I have to remind myself that I’m not a bad person, just in a bad situation right now.  I have to be patient with myself that this may take some time to overcome, that I need to give myself a break, take care of myself and despite not always understanding how I feel, allow myself to feel the way I do without worrying about what other people think.  There is no timeframe for recovering from grief. 

How can you help?  You might not know me personally and that’s fine.  These are my tips for how you could help me right now and maybe some of them will be things you can do for your own friends who may be in the a similar situation –

1.       Don’t bash the ex – yes, he’s been an arse; yes, what he has done is awful; yes, it may not last; yes, I do deserve better – BUT, these things are for me to say.  Please don’t bash him – he is still the father of my children, the man I have spent nearly half my life with and I do still care for him.

2.       Give me a hug – physical touch is good for us.

3.       You don’t need to give advice or offer answers – listening is just fine. 

4.       Still be friends with M if you want to be – I’m fine with that and I think he may just need some friends in the future!

5.       Don’t gossip – I was gutted to have people I hardly know coming up to me saying ‘I’m sorry about you and M – x told me!!!!!!!’ – that’s not your news to tell.

Why am I sharing all of this?  I think it’s important to share real life experiences.  I hope that, one day, I’ll be able to help someone who might be going through something similar to me – to stand by them and say ‘I understand’ and ‘it’s ok’.  I know that I will be ok, that this struggle is just temporary.  I know life will be different (it already is) but I will be fine.  I will be more than fine, I will thrive, I will succeed, I will be happy again.

You are what you wear.....or are you???

Formal, business, smart, smart-casual, casual......all ways of describing the type of clothes we wear!

Do the clothes we wear affect how we work?  Does it affect our influence on our customers or colleagues?  How we present ourselves.

From the little research I've done before writing this, it seems that the opinion is divided between those who think dressing for work should be smart and others who think casual is fine.  A question was posted on Twitter just recently regarding what smart-casual is and this blog post has come out of that.  There was a variety of responses.

It's an interesting subject to consider - in my office we have recently be advised that senior management in our head office have decided all the men should wear ties again (requirement for ties had been relaxed for some time, unless meeting with clients).  I had heard that some staff members (not from my office) had been away on business in a Southern Hemisphere country and had gone to visit their clients wearing shorts and t-shirts!  I have to wonder why these 'professionals' even considered this would be acceptable dress for a business meeting - never mind how hot it was!  It obviously didn't create the right first impression.

I also heard a story about a relationship manager going to meet their corporate client and turned up to their office to find all the staff in jeans and flip flops and felt it could have been the office of a well-known social media provider, rather than an office of corporate professionals managing their clients' millions of pounds!  Why did the manager feel that way? 

I had a look into what 'casual' means and came up with the following:

- being without ceremony or formalising, relaxed (casual events)
- being or seeming unconcerned or apathetic (casual attitude)
- shallow or superficial (casual affair)
- not serious or thorough, hasty and without attention to detail (casual inspection)
- without definite or serious intention, offhand (casual remark)

All seems to be negative in my opinion.  

I wonder if I'm slightly biased writing this - my own opinion is that working in a professional environment (for me it's facilities management within the finance industry) should mean we dress for that environment. Smart dress, smart mind!  Does sloppy dress mean sloppy work?  Does casual dress mean casual attitude?  That we don't work as hard?  Are we as productive wearing jeans and t-shirt as we are wearing a suit?  Do we work better if we feel comfortable in what we are wearing?

Personally, I feel better about myself if I make a little bit of an effort when I get dressed in the mornings.  Being very honest, there are very few times when I like what I see in the mirror and if I can feel confident in what I'm wearing then it helps with my confidence in the office and facing the variety of issues/dramas of daily life in facilities management!!  Something smart, high heels, hair done nicely and a bit of make up will make me feel a little more powerful.  Then there's the 'lucky pants'!  Actually I don't have lucky pants but a matching set of underwear is always a good way to start the day (however, if you ever meet me you can't ask me about it - I blush very easily!!!!!).

Let's get back to the point......perhaps there's an argument for wearing something in-between?  Smart-casual?  What about 'dress down Friday'?  I feel like I'm asking more questions rather than giving answers.  I don't think I have the answers. 

Should what we wear be a matter of personal choice?  Does it matter what our customers' think or expect?  What do we expect when we go into an establishment?  A bank or insurance office?  A hotel or restaurant?  I'm sure we all have expectations.....what are they?  Should we pay attention to our own expectations of others when we make the decision of what we are going to wear, how we portray ourselves. 

Please feel free to leave comments, giving your thoughts on this.  It would be great to have feedback!

The importance of management in FM

On Twitter recently there has been some discussion over what to call FM for the hash tag.....should it be #facilitiesmanagement or #facilitymanagement or even #facman?  Another suggestion was to forget management and just use #facilities.

It just so happened that at the end of last week I attended the quarterly training day of the BIFM's South West Region, which was held at the Bristol Hilton Hotel.  One of the speakers was the fabulous Liz Kentish (The FM Coach and deputy chair of the BIFM).  Liz's presentation focused on transformational skills and developing the leadership and management skills of facilities managers so they can be influencing and driving business rather than just supporting the facilities function.  

I think it is such an important point to remember.  Read the extract below.... I have to confess I can't remember where I got it from...(it was in an FM magazine a little while ago and I apologise to whoever wrote it for not acknowledging you - please let me know if it was you!!)

Don't get too distracted by the word "Facilities".

FM is primarily a management skill, the Facilities side is the specialisation of that skill. As a management discipline, many of the skills you could expect are commonplace in management disciplines; Communicating, negotiation, presentation, relationship management, people management, process management, resource allocation, prioritisation, etc. 

But, the Facilities part of FM is the specialisation. FM is a broad, varied & complicated discipline. Experience and knowledge give a big shortcut, but primarily I would say the skills required are practicality, tenacity, resilience, being able to work alone, good judgement, decision making, attention to detail and drive to specialise and improve your knowledge. 

No one is born knowing how the air-conditioning works (or perhaps more relevantly: why it isn't working right now), but a good FM will find out. They'll look into it, they'll ask people, they'll make their engineers explain it to them and they'll test the competency of "experts" by asking difficult questions until they are satisfied with the answers.

Let's remember that we are managing facilities services and work to develop the skills to do our jobs better.

Women in a man's world?

This could be such a long post and there's an awful lot of thoughts going round in my head!

It's interesting to me that there is such a stereotyping of roles for genders.  Most of it is just taken as 'that's just how it is'....but it doesn't have to be like that.

My two young daughters were watching a children's programme on television where a man and a lady dress up and pretend to do different jobs....this particular show had the lady dressing up as a builder...and my 4 year old made a groan of displeasure and muttered something about it being a boys job!  I don't think I've ever told her that she could be a builder if she wanted to be....the general assumption is that builders are men. 

I was invited to attend the Guernsey Women's Development Forum recently and was very interested in the topic of "female breadwinners".

I think women have a pretty clear understanding of what issues they face so perhaps it is time for the men to be involved in these presentations, for them to hear and start to understand the battles we face as women in our professions. But on the other side, what about the attitude of women...I am not a fan of generalisation and tend to avoid it if I can....... I think there should be an opportunity for men to be involved in these conversations that women have.

I also think that positions in leaderships and on boards should be given on the merits of the individual; what skills does that person have? What is their experience? Or level of expertise? What can they bring to our business and how can they help move the business forward and make improve,nets I. The areas important to us? Eg bottom line, market share, reputation etc.

I don't think it is right for it to be a competition between men and women as to who can get to the top but more so an opportunity of working together. To compliment each other. Does it matter if there isn't a woman in the leadership team or on the board? Yes and no! Depends on the reasons why. If its because the men have an attitude of the women not being up to job then that's not right but if there really isn't a woman in the organisation with the right skills or experience to offer value to the team then there's no point in having a woman in the team for the sake of it.

We're still changing the traditional mindset....how many of us grew up with the man of the house being the provider and the woman being the homemaker and childminder? Many families still work this way but I think it is changing.  I think women faced the dilemma of needing to go out to work again during the 1980s when interest rates were high and mortgages were a struggle.  It came out of necessity, women not really having much choice.  They gained a sense of independence, of achievement and could make their own financial contribution to their family.  

From this I think perhaps some of these women actually decided they liked working.....it wasn't just working because they had to, they enjoyed it, found it more purposeful and satisfying than being at home.  I'm not denying being a homemaker and looking after children isn't an important job, it certainly is and I, personally, take my hat off to those mothers who are full time careers for their families. It's a tough job!

My own experience is interesting....I have two children,one at school and one starting later this year.  Just over two years ago I went back to work full time, purely due to financial need and my husband became part time and took over the school and nursery run and after school care.  At first I hated it!  But, as time has gone on, it's been the best thing we ever did.  Financially, we manage better, I enjoy my job and fee like I'm making a career out of it and my husband is much better at looking after the girls than I am!!  He says he wouldn't want to go back to work full time now.  We are basically playing to our strengths.  We work well as a team.  I couldn't do what I do without him being there for our children.  Other people seem to have more of an issue with it than we do!  I go away on business from time to time, being away from home for a night to two; I study or work late.  It's not an issue for us but for others it is, however, if I was a man doing this job, working late, going away on business no head would turn, no second thought would be Ives...it's what men do....right?  

Perhaps now is the time to realise that women can have a career, that they can do just as well as men but lets not make it a competition, lets make it a collaboration, complimentary members of teams, of leadership, of boards.  

There's so much more I could say.....maybe that's another post sometime?

How's your attitude?

It’s your ATTITUDE not your APTITUDE that determines your ALTITUDE

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130501104129-32175171-it-s-your-attitude-not-your-aptitude-that-determines-your-altitude

James Caan has written an article (see link above) about this statement.

I think I have to agree with him. The attitude we have will always make a difference to how we get on in life.  This isn't just about work; I think our attitude is important in all aspects of our lives. 

Someone once told me 'you can do anything you want to do'.  It was an encouragement - meaning if I set my mind to do something and work hard for it, I can achieve it. In no way did it mean I'm brilliant at everything and I can just do it, if only!!  No, it meant my attitude is right to set my focus on something, to learn new things if I have to and to achieve. However, I don't see this as an excuse to not try harder, to improve our skills or to gain knowledge. 

We have to be careful not to become arrogant about our abilities - there's no doubt people in our families or work places who have natural talent for whatever it is that they do and it seems (to us, anyway) that they never really need to try too hard and it all 'just happens' for them.  Maybe that's true - maybe it isn't...but how is their attitude?  Are they boastful or a 'know-it-all' or perhaps they are down to earth, humble and ready to help anyone?  

We can't do anything about other people's attitudes but we can change our own.  Personally, I want to be the best I can be, especially in my job.  I want to do things right, I want to succeed and I want to be recognised for what I do (not sure if that last one is a good thing or not!).  I have dreams and aspirations for my career but along with that, I hope my attitude is right.  

James Caan talks about a 'positive mental attitude' and this is also very important.  I am usually a mix of 'glass half full' and 'glass half empty', some days, if one glass is half empty, then they all are!!!  A positive mental attitude can help us to see the best in everything, it helps us to move forward, to accept change, to learn from past experiences and not be held back by them.     

Let's check our attitudes!
  

How do you influence others?

I've only recently got excited by using Twitter. It took me a while to understand how it worked but now I get it I really enjoy it. I think I'm actually preferring it to Facebook. I generally use it for work related contacts and Facebook is more personal.

Anyway, I also found out recently that the hash tag #FF means Follow Friday and is a way to recommend your followers to follow other people or companies/groups etc. I have been included in a couple of these in the past few weeks and today thought it was my turn. I decided to tag people who I felt inspired by or have encouraged me in my work recently.

I think it's important to acknowledge those who influence you, who support you, who make themselves available to you and help you grow. Some of them do it directly, personally, others by just the way they do business, the things they say or how you see them respond to others.

So, just stop for a moment - what sort of influence have you been this week? Do the people around you see you as inspirational, steadfast or positive? Has your attitude been one of encouragement or discouragement? I find when I'm around positive and enthusiastic people it helps me to be the same and yet, on the other side of that, those who moan and complain, run other people down are the ones I try not to spend too much time with....the negativity rubs off too easily!

Sometimes people in the office say to me...'I couldn't do your job...all those people moaning at you!' Yeah? Well, sometimes is it a bit like that but I don't always see it that way. I provide a service and will do my best to help anyone - if they have a nice attitude then that makes it much easier but sadly the world isn't all nice!! I get a buzz from solving a problem, from seeing things work well, from avoiding unnecessary disruption from something that I do - if it results in a 'thank you' then even better! I'm nowhere near perfect but I hope I can be a positive influence on my team and others!

Lets consider what sort of influence we want to be....