The date was Tuesday 12th November, and the location....the London Studios of ITV on London's Southbank. Over 150 professional women from the BIFM (British Institute of Facilities Management) membership along with a decent scattering of men, gathered for the second annual conference of the BIFM's Special Interest Group "Women in FM" (WIFM). This year's theme was "Your Journey" and what a journey we had.
After arriving and being welcomed by some lovely members of the WIFM Committee, Debra Ward, Chair of Women in FM, opened the day. She said she hoped the day would stimulate, challenge and inspire us both personally and professionally....we weren't let down!Natalie Reynolds - Negotiating Your Journey
Debra introduced Natalie Reynolds, founder and director of advantage SPRING and works with a range of global companies to develop internal negotiation capability through coaching and training.
As with anything that might be uncomfortable planning and preparation is key. Natalie suggested we map the variables, understand the priorities, plan our move and then plan some more! Open extreme, don't start by saying what you want exactly, allow others to negotiate - allow them to feel that they got what they wanted too. How about a trade? Don't just give things away...if you...then I will.....
Natalie went on to ask if negotiation was a 'man's game'? The quick answer is NO! Men and women can negotiate as well as each other, but just approach it differently. She said as women we generally don't ask! How can you get what you want when you don't ask for it? When we do ask, we don't aim high enough! We don't like changing character, don't like to say no and often more effective at negotiating for others.
Natalie ended her presentation by explaining the Gorilla Effect to us - when told it's a man's role (to negotiate) aim to do better - puff out your chest, become the alpha, like the gorilla. And, have confidence (or 'balls') to start negotiating.
Louise Webster - Your Journey after Kids
Louise shared her story of her journey after having her children and seeing other professional women at the school gates who weren't using the skills they had after having their own children. Louise explained how she feels passionate about bringing a woman as a whole to the workplace - becoming a parent enhances the type of person we are and the skills and talents we have as parents can be brought into the workplace e.g. wisdom, compassion etc.
Louise set up Beyond the School Run and presented some of the opportunities this has given her, including meeting with advisors at No 10 Downing Street. Her website gives all the information of what it is she offers. Her plan is to inspire, connect and engage. She advises parents to 'be the change' and encourages them to explore the opportunities around them for flexible working.
Lynette Allen - Personal Development of Your Journey
Lynette began her presentation by telling her story - it was inspiring. A woman feeling trapped in her situation yet wanting to become someone and not knowing how to do it. Fighting despite the fear and overcoming obstacles to become the successful woman she is today.
She asked....what are the women who are successful doing that those unsuccessful aren't? And then gave us 6 points....
1. Ask for what you want
Work out what it is you want and then ask for it. People are not mind readers.
2. Blag it!
Blagging with confidence. You might know the answer or how to do it....say 'leave it with me' and find out.
If you are invisible and desperate to be seen, ask, put yourself forward! Don't wait for someone to come to you and ask you to do something!
4. Trust yourself
Women who don't believe how good they are don't have trust in themselves. We lose trust in ourselves so easily. Lynette suggested we use our intuition, look at facial expressions, have belief in ourselves.
5. Put yourself forward for things
We make the decision that we aren't good enough before we give others opportunity to decide. Don't write yourself off!
6. Having an idea of what you want
What do I want? How can we aim for something if we don't know what we're aiming at?
If someone thinks you are good enough.... Don't spend 20mins explaining why you are not!
Lynette's end statement was brilliant....."If at first you succeed try not to look surprised"
We had a delicious lunch and a good natter with like-minded people, a photo shoot in front of the ITV banner (above) and tweeting it to the large screen in the room (I'm sure we were too excited about it!!).
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| My BIFM WIFM Conference Buddies L-R: Me, Tanya Brick, Robert Cunliffe, Jason Gurd |
"The most common way people give up their power is by believing they have none" Alice Walker
Miss Representation explores how the media’s misrepresentations of women have led to the underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence. And, how despite our achievements the worth of women is coming from how we look. Young girls seeking an identity are learning from media that sexuality is empowerment.
We are inspired by what we see - we need to be women of integrity in order to be seen by those who are influenced.
The debate followed with an amazing panel made up of Anne Lennox Martin, Julie Kortens and David Emanuel. The lovely Lucy Jeynes kept things running brilliantly and some of the main points are noted below:
- we need to collaborate with men now to go forward
- some are guilty but all are responsible
- we can recognise the issues but now all need to do our bit
- FM is not supporting buildings, it is supporting people working in buildings
- all of it starts with us
- build what you want
- keep being restless in order change - not being restless enough means only slow change
- looking after the ones we love comes first and we learn to live another day
The film can be found here if you'd like to watch it.
Stella Creasy is the MP for Walthamstow. She faced rape, death and bomb threats via social media following a campaign to get a woman on a UK bank note who isn't a monarch. The reason? To celebrate one woman in society for the contribution they have made.
Stella told us of a Chinese (I think) saying "Woman hold up half the sky".The growth of woman in senior positions has only been very very slow. There has only been a 4% increase of women in Government in the past 15 years. Who is telling our story? Woman are objectified. It has been proved that equal societies are more prosperous. We (women) know we can do things.....and do them as good as men. We can follow our dreams, work hard and achieve....anything we want.
Stella spoke about The Bechdel Test. It asks whether a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. Many contemporary works fail this test of gender bias.
'The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off!' Stella Creasy
It is important to support women to participate every step of the way. We each have the power to say what we want. We need to build our internal confidence to help fight external battles.
Stella suggested we have rooms for women in our workplaces. Somewhere for them to organise and collaborate. An opportunity to support and cheerlead each other and also somewhere to call into question those who either consciously or sub consciously prevent women from succeeding.
Claire Smith - Overcoming Roadblocks at Home and Away
ThClaire encouraged us to enjoy the journey rather than it always being a struggle. She said help can come from some surprising quarters but we won't know if we don't ask. We should be supporting each other, women supporting women. Unrealistic roles models lead to discouragement and are disheartening. Some success stories are too shiny - they don't tell the full story, leaving out discouragements and compromises. We need realistic role models who have real and honest conversations. Making the best of our gifts and talents.
"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" Madeleine Albright
In the past women went through situations which made it tough to stay afloat and survive, never mind thrive. Claire suggested we consider that some older woman may feel resentment towards the younger generation, perhaps they think we have it easier now? What is their story? What happened to make them into the people they are now?
Claire shared her story with some great tales and brilliant expressions which had us laughing. She told us how some people had told her she couldn't do what she wanted to do, they said they were telling her for her own good. Fortunately Claire didn't let that stop her from doing what she wanted to do and challenged them to tell her why she couldn't do what she wanted to do. So, knowing that other people are very quick to make assumptions about you she gave some advice on how to get around those roadblocks.
1. Trust your instincts
You will know when you are being patronised. If it makes you feel uncomfortable you are right. Don't just talk, do something
2. Be determined
Be bloody minded - dress it up, say in own words but ask 'why not?' Don't be too reasonable
3. Ask for help as necessary....but choose very wisely. Choose your allies carefully.
You can define yourself about what you say about yourself and how you say it...do it on your terms
4. Keep going with skills and qualifications
Never be too busy to go to seminar, conference etc. other people doing same as you. Same struggles, you are not alone.
So that is an overview! It was a brilliant day, ending with wine and canapes, and the thanks and congratulations for a superb event must go to the WIFM Committee - they did a great job, it was a professional day and run very well indeed. Can't wait for 2014!
