This was our first holiday just the three of us. Previous times have either visiting friends and last year we travelled withy sister and niece.
The travel and accommodation was booked about April time and we were all excited. I've wanted a holiday in France for years and never made it so this was a long awaited trip. However a few days before going I started to get a bit jittery about the enormity of what I was doing. A week on my own with the girls in a foreign country, driving on the 'wrong' side of the road for the first time and not really knowing where I was going. The nerves set in and my biggest concern was not having any adults to chat with.
The travel to France and our campsite went well except for the sat nav trying to send us down a no entry road! The girls were in the pool before we had even unpacked and were instantly happy! Over the next couple of days we had a few trips out and more time around the pool. I read lots and enjoyed relaxing in the sun and watching the girls having fun.
It was a good couple of days into the stay when I realised I hadn't had a full conversation with another adult! The mobile homes we stayed in were positioned well if you liked privacy! Not so good if you're hoping to pass the time of day with people as they walk past. Fortunately the family opposite were English and I struck up a conversation on evening, asking if they had had a good day, where they had been etc. (Interrogation perhaps more than conversation!). This led to a few more conversations over the next few days until they left for home the day before us.
My worst fears had been realised and I was struggling a little bit. Don't get me wrong - we had a lovely holiday and it was generally relaxing and enjoyable. The girls had a great time and didn't want to leave. They want to go for two weeks next year!!! However being a single parent on a site full of families highlights the singleness. I've come home emotionally drained. I've seen Facebook full of wedding anniversaries and weddings this week and it's hit me quite hard. In two weeks time I should have been celebrating 20th wedding anniversary, instead it will just be another Thursday in September. Some people might be thinking I should be over all of that by now, time to forget and move on - if that is you then please feel free to stop reading and move on! I make no apology for still having moments of feeling the loss and sadness and hurt of the lies, deceit and destruction of infidelity, for the shattering of family life and broken promises and dreams. But they are generally only moments - this week perhaps a little more than a moment but it will pass and I will have moved further forward in my journey.
Today I'm grateful for a friend noticing I was at the end of myself, and with the saga of loosing everything in my fridge and chest freezer after loosing power at home whilst away, offered to finish cleaning out the chest freezer for me! A really unpleasant job when food has been defrosting in it for days!
Sometimes I think it is good to have a splattering of honesty - to realise life's journey isn't always an easy one. There are some really good parts to it but there really some tough paths too.
