Be a cheerleader!

We were watching the end stage of the annual Guernsey half marathon on Sunday. The runners had completed over 13 miles of the coast of the island and the finish line was almost in sight.  Most of the runners looked tired, some of them, exhausted! They had given everything to this race. The thing that struck me thought was as we and other spectators clapped them and shouted words of encouragement like ‘you’re nearly there’, ‘keep going’, you’re doing great’ as they ran past, it seemed to be making a difference to them. Some visibly perked up, their tired shoulders rose, some pushed out their chest and pushed on, one or two managed a smile, a thumbs up or even a strained ‘thank you! Some didn’t seem to even notice we were there but we clapped all the same. 

Talking with someone who has run a number of half marathons they confirmed to me the positive effect of the support, the clapping.  It got me thinking – I’m good at that(!) – and the word ‘cheerleader’ came to mind.  As we do these days, I Googled ‘cheerleader’ – and Wikipedia tells me that cheerleading is ‘an activity in which the participants (called ‘cheerleaders’) cheer for their team as a form of encouragement’.  As I thought a bit more on this I pictured the American football cheerleaders – probably what comes to mind for most people when they think about cheerleading – they shout for their team and support them throughout the game, no matter how they are doing, winning or losing, their enthusiasm remains, they still cheer. They also encourage the crowd to support their team. 

We all need cheerleaders in our lives and we need to be a cheerleader. 

I was listening to a podcast of a talk by Jayne Sargeant at Lifecentral Church (19^th May 2019 – Live Your Best Life – Love Beyond Yourself) and she commented that living your best life always involves other people – living beyond ourselves, making a difference, helping others. A life of contribution and connection.  Jayne quoted Mother Teresa, who said ‘do small things with great love’.  This really ties in with being a cheerleader – we need to connect with people, take time to listen and support.  Cheering someone on doesn’t mean you need to agree with them when you think they are doing the wrong thing but it does mean having their best interest as your intent, being kind and encouraging.  It means loving someone not for what we get in return, clapping them along, not only in the times when they are winning but when their legs are tired, when the finish line seems a long way off or when the other team is scoring more goals.  It means speaking positively about people and encouraging others to do the same.  It means noticing what is important to others and letting that become important to you too.

Who will you shake your poms poms for? 

A year of adventures!

A year ago tomorrow I went on first date!  I had been on other first dates during the past three or four years, made a friend or two along the way and met various men who weren't as they first seemed!  I'd been left disillusioned and disappointed many times and wondered if I would ever meet anyone I might want to share life with.

"We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice" Dalai Lama

So, I went on another first date.....I very nearly cancelled, not sure if I could really be bothered with going through the motions of making small talk and wondering how soon I could leave without looking rude - but this time it really was different.  Our first date lasted seventeen hours - we talked and walked, ate dinner, drank wine and talked some more.  We met again the next day and a couple more times during the week that followed! And here we are a year later.....!

My previous post was just before this time and was all about being brave on my adventures, but I was learning to be brave about letting someone get close to me.  I had been on quite a journey of finding myself again after divorce - it is the perfect cliché, but it really was the truth for me and I was in a place of knowing the only relationship I wanted was one that would compliment the life I had, not complicate it!

"The thing about being BRAVE is it doesn't come with the absence of fear and hurt. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say move aside, you are in the way".  Melissa Tumino

I had to be brave again - the first time Ben told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I didn't want him to love me!  I was scared.  I was scared of loving and loosing again - trying to protect myself I guess.   A friend reminded me that nothing is certain in life and sometimes we have to take a risk.  I was grateful for that advice and decided to take it one day at a time - not thinking about how it might all work out (or otherwise) but enjoy it for what it was.  Ben is kind and patient, yet persistent in loving me.  My previous experiences had made me cautious and I tested him  for a while, but the one thing we shared right from that very first date was honesty. Being real is important to both of us - there’s no judgement or self-righteousness, it’s a mutual respect, an openness to be who we are.

It hasn't all been plain sailing - when you get to forty-something and have both been married before and have children, it can have some challenges - but sharing life, sharing the ups and the downs and continuously talking, being open and honest makes a big difference and I'm so glad I didn't cancel that first date.

Why am I sharing this?  With so many of my other personal posts, I hope it might help someone.  Take a risk, what if you miss out on something wonderful for the fear it might not be?  It's a calculated risk - I'm not saying take a chance on anyone or anything - you'll know if it might be worth it.