A year ago tomorrow I went on first date! I had been on other first dates during the past three or four years, made a friend or two along the way and met various men who weren't as they first seemed! I'd been left disillusioned and disappointed many times and wondered if I would ever meet anyone I might want to share life with.
"We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice" Dalai Lama
So, I went on another first date.....I very nearly cancelled, not sure if I could really be bothered with going through the motions of making small talk and wondering how soon I could leave without looking rude - but this time it really was different. Our first date lasted seventeen hours - we talked and walked, ate dinner, drank wine and talked some more. We met again the next day and a couple more times during the week that followed! And here we are a year later.....!
My previous post was just before this time and was all about being brave on my adventures, but I was learning to be brave about letting someone get close to me. I had been on quite a journey of finding myself again after divorce - it is the perfect cliché, but it really was the truth for me and I was in a place of knowing the only relationship I wanted was one that would compliment the life I had, not complicate it!
"The thing about being BRAVE is it doesn't come with the absence of fear and hurt. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say move aside, you are in the way". Melissa Tumino
I had to be brave again - the first time Ben told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I didn't want him to love me! I was scared. I was scared of loving and loosing again - trying to protect myself I guess. A friend reminded me that nothing is certain in life and sometimes we have to take a risk. I was grateful for that advice and decided to take it one day at a time - not thinking about how it might all work out (or otherwise) but enjoy it for what it was. Ben is kind and patient, yet persistent in loving me. My previous experiences had made me cautious and I tested him for a while, but the one thing we shared right from that very first date was honesty. Being real is important to both of us - there’s no judgement or self-righteousness, it’s a mutual respect, an openness to be who we are.
It hasn't all been plain sailing - when you get to forty-something and have both been married before and have children, it can have some challenges - but sharing life, sharing the ups and the downs and continuously talking, being open and honest makes a big difference and I'm so glad I didn't cancel that first date.
Why am I sharing this? With so many of my other personal posts, I hope it might help someone. Take a risk, what if you miss out on something wonderful for the fear it might not be? It's a calculated risk - I'm not saying take a chance on anyone or anything - you'll know if it might be worth it.
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