Being brave

It’s been a while since I last blogged. As usual, there’s been loads going on in my head but most of it isn’t shareable or even sensible!

What I have been thinking about though is fear and bravery.  Anyone who has read my previous blog posts will know about my 40@40 list - some would call it a bucket list, but it is a list of 40 things I’d like to do during my 40’s. I’m about half way through it and have ticked off some really fun, interesting and crazy things! In five weeks time I’ll be ticking off another one....going to New York.  Even typing that I can feel the butterflies of excitement and nerves in my belly.  I haven’t flown anything more than a couple of hours since 2001 and I’m doing this one on my own and meeting a friend out there.

One of the things I’ve learned since becoming single is that you can’t sit around and wait for life to change, for things to just happen to you or for circumstances to change to the way you want them to be. However, sometimes stepping out to do those crazy things and for me to tick off experiences on my 40@40 list isn’t easy. I’ve needed to be brave - to “feel the fear and do it anyway” as the expression goes.  Some people have told me I’m amazing and inspirational when they see me getting on with life and experiencing new things, travelling on my own, studying, doing work in my house.....but the reality is I’m not really that amazing! It’s not amazing  or inspirational to feel so lonely that you don’t know how life will ever be any different, or lay in bed with crippling anxiety that prevents you from sleeping. Mostly now I can beat it but sometimes it beats me.  But I have learnt to be brave. I have learnt that each day is a new day, that often those dark times are just moments and over time I’ve found strategies to help.

It would be easy to decide not to go to New York - to feel the fear and back out, to feel the fear and be paralysed by it into staying home (there’s still time for that to happen!!!). But, I’ll be the one missing out and won’t get to see the places I’d like to see or do the things I’d like to do.

I suppose I’ve been thinking more about this lately because of what I see on social media - there’s some great stuff online, it’s a brilliant way to stay in touch with people who don’t live near us and there’s loads of information, ideas and inspiration, but at the same time we need to be careful that we don’t don’t spend so much time looking at what other people are doing that we lose the perspective of reality.  Facebook and Instagram are so often a show reel of lives that it’s easy to become dissatisfied and disappointed with our own lives when in actual fact those ‘perfect’ people and families have just as much ‘stuff’ going on as we do.

We think everyone else has it together, that they everything we want and we can sink into our own misery, but what I’ve learnt from talking to people, from listening and observing is that there are lots of people who you think have it all and have it all together that actually don’t!!

I often find myself with time alone at home and while some people would enjoy this, I have to be careful not to have too much time alone as my overthinking brain works in overdrive and I can quickly become negative and miserable.  I’ve realised that I can’t sit and wait for an invitation to spend time with other people and I need to be brave and do the asking.  It’s brave because they might say they can’t meet and my brain will quite often read or hear that as they don’t like me and don’t want to spend time with me!! But, as often as that happens, there many times when they are free and we all benefit from sharing time together.

So my message through all these words is be real, be open, be brave!