A reality check

I've just come back from a week in France with my two girls. 

This was our first holiday just the three of us. Previous times have either visiting friends and last year we travelled withy sister and niece. 

The travel and accommodation was booked about April time and we were all excited. I've wanted a holiday in France for years and never made it so this was a long awaited trip. However a few days before going I started to get a bit jittery about the enormity of what I was doing. A week on my own with the girls in a foreign country, driving on the 'wrong' side of the road for the first time and not really knowing where I was going. The nerves set in and my biggest concern was not having any adults to chat with. 

The travel to France and our campsite went well except for the sat nav trying to send us down a no entry road! The girls were in the pool before we had even unpacked and were instantly happy!   Over the next couple of days we had a few trips out and more time around the pool. I read lots and enjoyed relaxing in the sun and watching the girls having fun. 

It was a good couple of days into the stay when I realised I hadn't had a full conversation with another adult!  The mobile homes we stayed in were positioned well if you liked privacy! Not so good if you're hoping to pass the time of day with people as they walk past.  Fortunately the family opposite were English and I struck up a conversation on evening, asking if they had had a good day, where they had been etc. (Interrogation perhaps more than conversation!).  This led to a few more conversations over the next few days until they left for home the day before us. 

My worst fears had been realised and I was struggling a little bit. Don't get me wrong - we had a lovely holiday and it was generally relaxing and enjoyable. The girls had a great time and didn't want to leave. They want to go for two weeks next year!!!  However being a single parent on a site full of families highlights the singleness. I've come home emotionally drained.  I've seen Facebook full of wedding anniversaries and weddings this week and it's hit me quite hard. In two weeks time I should have been celebrating 20th  wedding anniversary, instead it will just be another Thursday in September. Some people might be thinking I should be over all of that by now, time to forget and move on - if that is you then please feel free to stop reading and move on!  I make no apology for still having moments of feeling the loss and sadness and hurt of the lies, deceit  and destruction of infidelity, for the shattering of family life and broken promises and dreams.  But they are generally only moments - this week perhaps a little more than a moment but it will pass and I will have moved further forward in my journey.

Today I'm grateful for a friend noticing I was at the end of myself, and with the saga of loosing everything in my fridge and chest freezer after loosing power at home whilst away, offered to finish cleaning out the chest freezer for me! A really unpleasant job when food has been defrosting in it for days! 

Sometimes I think it is good to have a splattering of honesty - to realise life's journey isn't always an easy one. There are some really good parts to it but there really some tough paths too. 

What is success?

So, I tweeted…….

“Just pondering, is it only the individual holding themselves back or does their environment contribute to how successful they are? Discuss”.

Sometimes I wonder if I try to punch above my weight – when I say that I mean, am I trying to be something I’m not or trying to achieve something I’m just not cut out to do?  I worked as a florist when I left college for about 9 years – it was a family business and I helped my dad to run it.  Time came for me to move onto other things and I got a job as a doctor’s PA in a local GP surgery.  Someone actually said to me ‘you’ll never stick it in an office!’  Well, I lasted 3 ½ years in that particular office and have been in another one for a further 13 years!  And generally I think I’ve done more than just ‘stick at it’. Guernsey people are nicknamed ‘donkeys’ because of their stubbornness – I can be stubborn or maybe just determined but if someone says I can’t do something then I would usually take that as a cue to prove them wrong and make sure I can! 

I have dreams and aspirations to be successful.  One of the replies from my tweet was ‘it depends how you define ‘success’’. I guess that is true……success will look different to many people -  so I googled…….what does success look like?  There were lots of different responses and here are just a few…………

·         the achievement of something desired

·         it’s when people start searching you on Google instead of Facebook

·         Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out

·         Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you      inspire others to do

·         It’s being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace (Paulo Coelho)

·         A mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose (Margaret Thatcher)

·         Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it (Maya Angelou)

·         Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm

So, does success come easier to some people rather than others? Do some have to work harder to get the same result?  

“Most people can ride a bicycle, but not everyone can be Olympic winners” – Petra Wilton – Chartered Management Institute

One of the oldest arguments in the history of psychology is the nature v. nurture debate. 

Nature – genes & hereditary factors, physical appearance and personality characteristics

Nurture – environmental variables – early childhood experiences, how we were raised, social relationships, surrounding culture

I guess there is an element of nature determining some of what we can do – if you need to be 5ft 10” to be a model and you come from a family of short people, no amount of hard work will enable you to grow the extra 5” you need to make it to the cat-walk! Some people are naturally extrovert – they love to be in front of people and the centre of attention. To stand up and speak to a room full of people will be a joy for them – to have all those people looking at them and listening to what they are saying. For others, it could be the thing they fear most! But learning how to control the fear, how to address people with confidence, understanding the quality of the information they have to pass on and share with others, they can become a great public speaker. 

Having a strong self-belief is very important in becoming successful – whatever that success may look like.  For some, getting out of bed in the morning and managing to complete daily tasks will be a great measure of success – illness or disability could mean this is a challenging exercise and to get through it will be a huge achievement.  For others, undertaking a new qualification, or achieving promotion, perhaps becoming the member of a board of directors would be their success. 

But what if there is something you really want to achieve?  Someone once told me I could do anything I wanted to.  He was encouraging me - to believe in myself, to set some goals and to focus on my abilities and grow.  Often the things we enjoy are the things we are good at - grow those talents, work hard and focus on ambitions.  

Society wants instant gratification but success is a non-instant process. It takes time, effort and at times, failure.  Failure is also a part of success and getting up again, learning from the experience and perseverance is all part of the journey.  Ensuring our minds are open to learn and set to grow.  

Spend time with positive people – those who will encourage, those who can share in the journey - those who will support, be there to help pick you up when the going gets tough. Those who will help you remain focussed in what you want to achieve.  We are a reflection of the people we spend time with so choose those people wisely.  Need to be responsible for ourselves, the goals we set - dream but be realistic, make wise choices and enjoy life. 

Success looks different to everyone – have a desire to succeed – at whatever level that might be.